If you cannot control yourself, you cannot control the situation, it’s that cut and dry. Here's an exercise for you.
Write down the following things:
1) What really pushes your buttons?
2) What things are you afraid of?
3) What makes you feel uncomfortable?
4) What takes you outside of your comfort zone?
Identify these things inside of yourself, understand what they feel like, identify them and try not to let whatever that is have control over you. If you can name it, you can start to understand when you’re getting out of balance. It doesn't mean that things won't effect you, just that you are aware when you are off and can adjust accordingly.
The whole idea of this practice is to work for balance. If you strive for balance this is going to be more beneficial for you. The balance between yourself and others begins with YOU being in balance inside of yourself. If something bothers you and you respond too gung ho, meaning that you’re too assertive, you can be too aggressive. This can sometimes cause trouble. It can also be detrimental to be too gun shy; being too hesitant, too passive, you let people breach your boundaries, saying to them, “oh, it doesn’t really matter,” but knowing deep down inside that it does. What happens is passive people often become passive aggressive people, they have boundaries that are not stated and when breached one too many times this type of person can begin to resist in a non-direct way. If you let a bad situation go too long, it can end up blowing up in your face, so we want to strive for balance between extremes. So, think about yourself and where you are on this spectrum. Are you too gung ho or are you too gun shy? If you’re too gun shy, you have to be mindful of it. If you’re too gung ho you have to be mindful of that as well. The better you can gain and maintain balance, the easier it is to see when things are out of balance within and around you!