Thursday, February 23, 2017

Lie Detector





O.K. last post before I'm off the grid sailing in the Bahama's... (yea, I know life really sucks right now...)

This comes from the Tips, Tricks & Tactics section of my PeaceWalker Program. It's called the Lie Detector. It was inspired by my Mom. She was the master of this... I think pretty much all Moms are. So if you don't have access to a polygraph machine or Wonder Woman's lasso of truth, this is the next best thing. It is very useful when dealing with people. It goes like this:

If you feel you are being lied to and you want a better chance of extracting the truth from someone, use this tactic. It’s the same one that your mom used on you when you were a kid. Give them “the look.”

Here’s how you can do this simple yet effective technique:


  1. Ask them your question.
  2. Shut up and listen.
  3. Give them “The Look” - Stare at them for 3 or 4 seconds without saying a word, nodding, using any facial expression, or blinking.
  4. Let the truth spill forth!    

I know what your thinking... The answer is...

"No, it doesn't work ALL of the time with EVERYONE. However, it works a LOT of the time with MOST PEOPLE." 

Try it!!       

Why does it work so well? Probably because we were conditioned by our mothers to tell the truth of course. 




I'm not a mind reader, but I know what you're thinking now.  

"So, Craig, how am I able to tell when they ARE lying to me?"                

GREAT question! That sounds like a great blog AFTER I get back from sailing the Bahamas! I'll post that next month w/some cool pics of manning the sails, swimming with the sharks and napping in a hammock on a deserted beach!









 <  Insert me here! =)



 
Anchors away!

See you when I get back!
~Craig        

Monday, February 20, 2017

The Power of Verbal Agreement




Get Them to Verbally Commit

When trying to get someone to agree to complying to your terms one good method is to get them to verbally commit to what they agreed to. The strategy might sound something like this:

You: “Suzy, so if I let you get a drink of water then, you’ll go to bed? Is that right?”

Suzy: “Yes.”

You: “Just so I know you have it, can you repeat back to me what I said?”

Suzy: “If you let me get a drink of water, I’ll go to bed.”

You: “Ok then, we have a deal.”

If you think that sounded a bit condescending, good, I agree with you. So, how can we get someone to verbally commit without talking down to them? Easy, try it this way:

(After debating and negotiating about getting a glass of water and going to bed.)

You: “Suzy, just so I understand you, could you please explain to me one more time what you are proposing?”

Suzy: “I said if you let me get a drink of water, then I’ll go straight to bed.”

You: “Ok, it sounds like we have an agreement then.”

 Suzy: "Ok."

Another way of getting verbal buy-in is by simply asking them and getting them to agree. Often a simple yes is sufficient to gain the leverage needed while negotiating. If you treat them like a child and talk down to them, you could escalate the level of conflict and cause an argument. If they don’t do as you agreed, then you can remind them of your former conversation. As you work it out, keep your cool (baseline) and then calmly ask them to repeat back to you what the deal is. You can add something like this: “Just so I know we’re on the same page could you repeat to me what we agreed to?” Remember, don’t argue with them. Verbally out maneuver them.

Here’s an example:

You: “So, Suzy, if I let you get a drink of water, then you’ll go to bed. Is that what I’m hearing?”

Suzy: “Yes.”

You: “Ok, we’re good to go then.”

(Suzy gets her drink, but doesn’t go to bed.)

You: “Suzy, I see you’re not in bed yet. That wasn’t our deal.”

Suzy: “I didn’t say that I’d go straight to bed.”

(Remember, stay calm and don’t argue with her! Also, this example illustrates that you are giving her another chance.)

You: “Well Suzy, we had an agreement and you didn’t do as you said you were going to."

Suzy: “Yes, I did. I didn’t say I was going STRAIGHT to bed.”

You: “Suzy, I’m not going argue with you over it. Is there anything that I can say that’s going to get you to work with me tonight?”

Suzy: “Ok, I’ll go.” 

You: “Just so we’re on the same page Suzy. What did we agree on?” 


Do you get the idea? 

This is a powerful tool. Keep a good tone. Be tactful, firm but respectful as you agree on a new social contract.

Keep going!


All the best,
~Craig

 

Friday, February 17, 2017

Resiliency



re·sil·ience
rəˈzilyəns/
noun
  1. the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.
  2.       the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.


Resiliency: A word many seemed to have forgotten. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me," has been replaced by 'safe zones,' trigger words, speech codes and zero tolerance policies. At the other extreme; killing and suicides resulting from varying forms of mental illness and repressed anger from bullying.

It appears that the idea of 'being offended' has gone from rude or controversial to illegal, as has knowing how to appropriately stand up for yourself. Speak out against the public majority (whatever that is) and pay the consequences. Overreacting to a situation a.k.a. "making mountains of molehills," is something that seems to be prevalent as well (thanks Ricki Lake and reality TV). It seems that we struggle with perspective and balance. We over react to certain things, under react to others, complain, feel entitled or hold emotions in until it bursts from us with venomous fury, be it riots, active shooting, or other forms of violence.


I'm not condoning disrespect toward others, treating people like crap or calling someone (or a group of someones) derogatory names. Nor am I trying to trivialize discrimination or the tragedy of someone taking a life (be it their own or others) due to any form of bullying including that of an emotional, social or institutional nature. However, when did it become a law that being offensive was a punishable offense? I'm not talking verbal slander or threats of harm. I'm referring to "Land of the brave, home of the free." stuff. Does that statement hold any truth, or is it just a cool "'Merica" bumper sticker that goes on the back of a built in the USA truck w/a gun rack in the back window?

Now let's be straight, freedom of speech doesn't mean that you or I can yell "BOMB" in the middle of an airport, or use my 'Freedom' to continually harass or physically threaten others. Our freedom stops where someone else's begins. But, where is that? What does that look like? It seems we aren't sure. It's our clarity, confidence and our ability to protect the right things that allows us our personal freedom, differences in beliefs, perspectives and opinions. Our freedom to discuss, debate, and yes, even offend! Political correctness is the thin veneer that has replaced respect. Are we so fragile that we can no longer handle someone disagreeing or (heaven forbid) even insulting us?

 "If necessity is the mother of invention than adversity is the father of resiliency."

If I call you a son of a bitch, will that land me in jail? If I tell you to go fuck yourself or say that you are a douche bag, should I be fined or put on probation? What if I spout off about how all bald headed middle aged men are stupid assholes who don't deserve to live in this country, so they should be thrown out? Yes, a rude, offensive and prejudiced statement, but should that be a punishable offense? Who will be our moral police? Who will choose what is acceptable and what isn't, as well as what the cost should be if you violate the rules?  More laws to keep us in check? Who will those laws favor? Is forced moralism necessary, effective and even possible? If you don't act properly, we'll make you. What's acting properly?! We'll tell you!

How about suing a school or organization because someone felt as if they weren't treated well? Yes, some cases are totally legit, however is every perceived harsh statement, off color comment or difference of opinion grounds for dismissal or a lawsuit?


I think we are bigger than that. I believe we are capable of being confident in the face of adversity and can distinguish what is rude vs. unlawful or dangerous. Clarity, courageousness, and skill can accomplish this more effectively then acting like spoiled adolescents who make demands, whine and throw temper tantrums when we don't get our way or aren't the center of attention.

We can't just blame the young "Millennial" generation either. Where are our leaders? Our mentors? Parents? Teachers? Elected officials? Who's setting the pace? Leading the charge or helping folks re-calibrate? We can't put all of the blame on today's youth. We're in this together, so we all have to take responsibility. It's time for leaders to step up to bring balance, not push an agenda, over-react, take advantage, displace or defuse anger and responsibility.

Help people realize that we need adversity. We can take it.We can rise above it.




As we become more diverse, we will also need to work on being more resilient as well.



Keep going,
~Craig

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Peace Love & Krav Maga



Yesterday a group of individuals came together to share adversity and a higher purpose. Each of us was challenged in our own individual way throughout the three month testing cycle. This gauntlet is the forging process developed to build clarity, confidence and resiliency not only in the testing candidates but everyone who is a part of the process.

There is no replacing the experience of the journey. No amount of observation, thought, or word will take the place of doing. The forging process is something that can only be experienced directly. However, our journey here is not taken alone, it is shared by everyone at the Academy. We come together to train in an art of war in order to embrace peace. We are Protectors. PeaceWalkers.

Josh Brockway
Mike Smith
Ryan Ruffini



The day of the test was 5 1/2 exhausting, yet exhilarating hours. I can't speak for everyone, however I would dare to wager that no one came out of the experience unchanged in some way. 

A couple of times during the day I took a breath, looked around and couldn't help but feel a deep sense of gratitude toward what I was a part of. The energy in the room is difficult for me to explain: Challenging, yet supportive. Connected. Alive. A unique intersection of personal development, group connection and a bridge to something bigger than any one of us alone. We were joined as protectors to challenge ourselves for the sake of a higher purpose... Peace. Within ourselves and others. 

It was a peak experience.

I should have known it was going to be a profound day from the start, when a man named Chad, someone who I never met before, bought me a couple cups of my favorite coffee. It was a chance encounter with someone who wanted to be generous and possibly bridge a perceived larger gap between two people, possibly two groups of people. More on that later... For now it's enough that my day began on a good note and continued to ascend to a crescendo that I am still basking in. 


It's all about the...



=)


Thank you to everyone who is a part of this journey. I am honored and humbled by those who came before me, those who walk beside me, and those who will carry on after me on this path.


Keep going,

~Craig