Wednesday, January 31, 2018

I Know What You're Thinking...



I'm basking in the glow of this beautiful sunny winter day, while I sip on my latte' at one of my favorite Coffee Houses!

A pretty chill day today. Getting some things in order, writing to you, and  preparing for PeaceWalker.net 'Big Reveal' Next Week!

...And remembering my day yesterday at West MI Academy of Environmental Science (Thanks Again Rob for bringing me out!).

Working with those young ladies, sharing what it means to live a good Life. A Powerful Life. A life of a Protector. The Life of a PeaceWalker! Was very fulfilling to me (I hope for them too!).

WELL...

If you remember, yesterday I shared how the PeaceWalker's Focus differs from the Victim 's mentality.

I want to expand on that a bit today...

BUT...

In a very special way...

...In a way that you can use to get inside people's heads...

A way where you can better understand their state of mind...

...A Way that You Can Communicate w/Them More Effectively...

A Way YOU Can Use to Better Manage the Conflict!


But First...

Let's quickly review the Victim's Focus v. PeaceWalker's Focus:

Victim Focuses on:

(1) The Problem
(2) What They Can't Do
(3) Blame

PeaceWalker Focuses On:

(1) Solutions
(2) What They CAN DO
(3) What's the Next Step


Why Is This So Important?!?

Recognizing when someone is in a Victim Mindset is important, because they are typically using Emotion Disguised as Logic and when this is the case, it is difficult or impossible to reason w/them by rationalizing logically.

So, if you don't know what to listen for, you could be using the Wrong Communication Tool to Manage the Conflict w/this person!


It's Like Hitting Your Head Against a Wall!

Recognizing when someone is in a Victim Mindset is important, because they are typically using Emotion Disguised as Logic and when this is the case, it is difficult or impossible to reason w/them by rationalizing logically.

Before we get too far ahead of ourselves, let's expand on the principles:

The VICTIM Mentality will FOCUS on the PROBLEM, HELPLESSNESS & BLAME:

Listen for it!!

They won't be able to move beyond that problem, except to blame and tell you what they can't do!

HOWEVER...

They will tell you what you and everyone else could or should be doing to fix things. And/or what was done wrong.

They'll have no shortage of 'Great' Ideas of how to correct the problem. None of which will offer any real solution. Only deflection of them being responsible for anything solid, except in some far-off fantasy land place where ideas are void of any type of action necessary to actually initiate real change.

Some of these utterings sound feasible, logical some even insightful...

...but don't be fooled.

They may say something like this...


"Well, The Problem Is..."

...or...

"Here's the Problem..."

You've heard it, I've heard it. Heck, I've said it, but that's NOT the problem...

It's what follows that statement...

If that statement is followed up by blame or helplessness, the person is probably speaking out of their Victim Mentality. That small, dark, scary, selfish place in all of us that is afraid of doing anything and may want someone to come in a rescue us or the world to be 'better.' That place where someone may store their anger. That place where nothing is EVER Right. A place where we often Hide from Other things...

None of which will help us figure out THIS problem!

You ability to recognize this state in someone else (and  in ourselves) can lead the way to a clearer understanding of how to handle the conflict.



Tit for Tat...

So, you hear the person out and offer a suggestion, only to be met by a barrage of excuses and pseudo-rational vomit attempting to deflect any personal responsibility what-so-ever.

It's all out 'there' , nothing THEY can do, they are helpless. Someone (or something) else is both responsible for the problem AND for the solution...

Or...

Maybe they aren't looking for a solution at all, they are just venting or transferring other concerns, fears, etc. onto the subject at hand.


Here's An Example...

Here's the situation:

Problem: One of your employees keeps illegally parking in a handicap parking spot in front of your business:

(Yes, I know there are many 'solutions' to this problem, but this is just an example of seeing the Victim's Focus.)


You: "Is there a reason why you're parking in the handicap space again?" (Apparent Problem)

Them: "There weren't any other parking spots." (Blame)

You: "I get that, but you're not handicapped and those spots are reserved for people who need them. There are more spots in the overflow."

Them: "Yea, but, that's too far away and no one ever uses the handicap spaces anyway."  (pseudo logic, veiled blame, justification & not taking responsibility)

You: "I get it, but they are there for people who need them."

Them: "It's not my fault that you don't have enough parking spaces. I shouldn't have to park all the way around the corner to go to work!" (Helplessness, Blame & Justification)

You: "I hear that you're frustrated about the situation, however that is out of our control at this point. I asked you a few times not to park there, but you continue to anyway."

Them: "This is crap, this parking lot is taped off wrong anyway. They could've put a lot more spaces in if they would have done it right!"  (Blame)


Do You See the Pattern?

The point of the above dialog is not to figure the problem out. It is so you can see how the person keeps spinning in the victim's mentality.

Can you hear the pattern?

They keep Focusing on the Problem, Helplessness & Blame (and Poor Rationalization), rather than taking responsibility and offering (or in this case going with the) solutions.

If you take the bait and keep debating with them regarding their pseudo-logic, you'll either just give in to their lame excuses or get into an argument.

So how do you deal with them?!


Great Question!!

I would keep going, but you and I have other things to do today...

So join me on my next (Almost) Daily email and I'll continue on this subject and give you some SPECIFIC Ways of dealing with this person.

Remember, YOU Have Access NOW...

I share these and other Important Conflict Management Tools in the Complete PeaceWalker Conflict Communication Program that's Available to You Right NOW on PeaceWalker.net!

Members you have access already!

If you're not a member yet and want Access to that Entire Course (and a LOT More!). You can get FREE Access to Try It Out for 7 Days!

Just Click HERE!


In the meantime, have a great day!!

You got this,

~Craig

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